“Please do something about getting people to understand how bad it really feels to live with a mental health condition….” the final request in a note left by a young man who died from suicide, only a few weeks ago.
His stark and telling appeal, not only leaves a strong message of what should be done, but also a feeling that his life may have been spared through greater understanding, less ignorance and a generous helping of empathy.
In my experience as a young person, I lived in a world, so terrifying at times, dying felt like the only option in ending the overwhelming pain that seemed like forever. I don’t remember feeling weak, stupid or even selfish - rather, a strong sense of endless hopelessness where nobody cared to listen.
Stigma, judgement and rejection are some of the biggest contributors to why so many people don’t survive suicidal feelings.
The facts
Globally, over 800,000 people die due to suicide every year and there are many more who attempt to kill themselves.
In Australia, suicide is the leading cause of death in men and women under the age of 45, with seven people taking their own lives every day (5 being men).
Myths about suicide
Most ‘normal’ people don’t think about taking their own life
Measuring suicidal thoughts is difficult, but research suggests that thoughts about suicide are not that uncommon at some point in a person’s life, although most people do not act on them.
Most suicides occur without warning
Although there may be some cases where suicide occurs without warning, many people that attempt or complete suicide give verbal or non-verbal clues before the incident. Often there has been a history of personal problems, warning signs, mental health issues, suicide threats or prior attempts. Many people thinking about suicide will tell someone, loved ones and/or strangers, and some will seek professional help.
If someone reveals their suicide plan, you should not break their confidentiality
Any information suggesting a person is contemplating suicide should be acted upon. A serious threat of suicide is one of the few situations where confidentiality must be breached in the interest of saving a life.
People who talk about killing themselves or attempting suicide are not serious – talking about it is just an attention-seeking behaviour and should be ignored
Any suggestion of suicidal thoughts or threats of suicide should always be taken seriously. A person who threatens or attempts suicide is in need of support, whether or not they may be serious about ending their life at that particular time.
Talking about suicide with someone who is at risk may give them the idea and increase the chances of an attempted suicide
Many troubled people may be relieved if the issue is raised in a caring and non-judgmental way, allowing them to talk one-on-one about their feelings and to seek help.
People who attempt suicide are just selfish or weak
People who attempt suicide are often experiencing strong negative feelings, and may believe there is no other solution. People in this situation need professional and personal support, not judgement.
(Source: A Mindframe Resource for the Mental Health and Suicide Prevention Sectors. www.mindframe-media.info)
How stigma doesn’t work
Desperation, hopelessness, isolation, loneliness and the overwhelming black hole of depression are some of the key factors that can lead to suicide. Unending feelings of being a burden, trapped and alone are all common among people who experience depression.
Many people say that those who attempt or die by suicide are selfish – gutlessly abandoning children, spouses and other family members to take the “easy way out”. It’s said that these weak self-serving people don’t give their survivors a second thought before opting out and pretty much, deserve to die. What may not be known, is that the presence of loved ones gives reason for so many people to stay alive for just one more day. Perhaps with a simple expression of genuine empathy and understanding by any caring human being, there would be many more days to follow.
My greatest inspiration in understanding the human condition and how true empathy can be expressed is through humanistic psychologist Carl Rogers. Rogers understood that for a person to "grow", they need an environment that provides them with genuineness (openness and self-disclosure), acceptance (being seen with unconditional positive regard), and empathy (being listened to and understood).
"If I am truly open to the way life is experienced by another person...if I can take his or her world into mine, then I risk seeing life in his or her way...and of being changed myself, and we all resist change. Since we all resist change, we tend to view the other person's world only in our terms, not in his or hers. Then we analyze and evaluate it. We do not understand their world. But, when the therapist does understand how it truly feels to be in another person's world, without wanting or trying to analyze or judge it, then the therapist and the client can truly blossom and grow in that climate."
(Carl Rogers, 1975)
What can you do?
In respect of our young man’s request to raise awareness around mental health challenges that can lead to suicide, please share my blog with your own people by way of helping de-stigmatise, inspire change and bring a call to action. You’ll never know who’s listening – just be certain that someone is.
Remember, it's okay not to be okay, and kindness and care can save lives...
Please note this blog is not intended to be used to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease, nor should it be used as a substitute for a health professional's advice. Australia has many Support Pathways that are free and accessible to almost everyone.
