Are you neglecting your child?

Grow Up! Act your age (not your shoe size)! You’re behaving like a baby! You’re an adult now! Stop being silly!

Statements like these, applied to a fully grown adult, could mean there’s an inner child screaming out for a bit of attention.  Think about it? When was the last time you felt a spontaneous urge to laugh out loud (and didn’t repress it because of time and place), coloured in, gave little thought to what’s next, counted the days till your birthday and became so excited about Christmas, you couldn’t sleep.

I started thinking a lot about this when a girlfriend was reacquainted with a photograph that she recognised as her child-self and could not remember what it felt like to be that little girl.  She now takes the faded reminder out each day, telling stories to herself about when she was a kid – the re-connection is having such a positive impact on her understanding, accepting and loving her child-like behaviours.

An article by Stephen Diamond, Ph.D. Clinical and Forensic Psychologist, poses the question “Has your adult self spent time with your inner child today?”

“We are told by society to "grow up," putting childish things aside. To become adults, we've been taught that our inner child--representing our child-like capacity for innocence, wonder, awe, joy, sensitivity and playfulness--must be stifled, quarantined or even killed. The inner child comprises and potentiates these positive qualities. But it also holds our accumulated childhood hurts, traumas, fears and angers. "Grown-ups" are convinced they have successfully outgrown, jettisoned, and left this child--and its emotional baggage--long behind. But this is far from the truth.“

Now, I have a pretty good relationship with my inner child - we spend a lot of time talking, figuring and testing out ridiculous ideas of adventure – we love each other.  Together we manage a very blessed and wonderful career that recently took us to the East coast of Australia.  One of many stops was the lovely town of Gladstone which included two days of leisure and a perfect opportunity to hang out.  In seeking some recommendations from local “grownups”, child-Rae was not feeling terribly inspired by any of the suggestions.  

It was finally through the enthusiastic, advice from an early Gen Zeder that we decided to head down to Agnes Water which has great surf and named as one of the best beaches in Australia.  Oh wow, now child-Rae was excited – practically skipping all the way to Gladstone Reject shop we picked out the brightest of candy pink boogie boards (adult-Rae bought the sunscreen, hat and hired a zippy little red car).

An hour and a half later we found ourselves sitting on the beach at Agnes Water, checking out the waves and having a little bit of an argument around how we should approach.  Child-Rae is screaming “let’s go” and you can probably guess what the other voice was saying?  Anyway, the kid won out and seconds later we were running across the stinging, hot sand to the churning blue surf (not before keys, phone and wallet had been safely secured by guess who?)  All of a sudden we were one, me and my child – catching waves, shrieking so loud that gulls took flight and other kids looked on in admiration. This went on for ages – totally and literally immersed in nature - not caring about much else other than when the next ride was coming. 

After a while, though there appeared a slight separation - the matured and well lived mind - wandering off onto things like work, dinner and getting back before dark – trying really hard to stay focused in the moment by concentrating on the colour of the water, the sound of the waves and the little bubbles that skimmed the candy coloured board was more challenging than expected.  It is so easy to become detached and distracted from our inner child – the part that helps unleash our unrestrained crazy and carefree nature - why would anyone want that to happen – abandon our child?  

A day later, I left the beautiful pink board in the back of the zippy red car but vowed that I’ll never abandon the awesome kid who rode it on that perfect day.

This Christmas, why don’t you do something special for your Child?


In the spirit of all things kids and Christmas, it’s important to know that the festive season can be a difficult and painful time for so many people.  Remember, it's okay not to be okay, and kindness and care can save lives...

Please note this blog is not intended to be used to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease, nor should it be used as a substitute for a health professional's advice. Australia has many Support Pathways that are free and accessible to almost everyone.